Vipassana, Days 2-6: Stream Flow
Original post date May 17, 2018
Vipassana offers something highly valuable. It offers a scientific technique into something that is extraordinary and to a lot of people, unknown: the subconscious. There is a constant stream of information to which we all have access to at all times. Our incredibly busy and modern lifestyles (which have also removed us from our biological processes in the name of convenience) simply put, cut off the downloads. The things that man has created to make our lives more “civilized” and more “advantageous” create a vicious cycle of stimulus and response that serves to increase mind chatter. There is no access to the stream with this kind of background noise.
Remove all the “things” (electronics for example) and tasks take longer to complete. They require attention and intention in order to work through them effectively (bye-bye mindless autopilot). The number of tasks that can actually get checked off our to-do list reduces itself significantly and so does consumption. Not to mention that the part of our brains which loves patterns, rhythms, working with our hands, etc. lights up like a Christmas tree. Ah, yes, that is what it feels like to be a human being. Our modern lifestyles are costing us our very own humanity. Our human experience is inclusive of the stream even though it is possibly what is most sacrificed by the way we are living today.
Between days 2-6 I fell into my routine. It consisted of:
-sleeping through the 4am wake up bell
- 6:30am-8am: shower, breakfast, short walk in forest, nap
-8am-9am: Group meditation in the Hall
-9am-11:00: nap
-11am-2:30: Lunch, walk in the forest, yoga in the forest and then yin yoga in my room, nap
-2:30-3:30: Group meditation in the Hall
-5pm-6pm: Dinner, walk in the forest
-6pm-9pm: Group meditation and Discourse
-9pm: Bedtime
Wherever it says nap above I was supposed to be meditating in my room. Sometimes I did, but for the most part, I napped. For the first time in too long I didn’t have anything to do. I realized that my body was abnormally tired. I realized that I’d been experiencing major adrenal fatigue. I also realized something very important which I had ignored most of my life: that it is OK to break the rules.
We were asked not to do yoga because it could be distracting to others and to our own minds and we were asked to meditate in our rooms during breaks. I did yoga for about an hour and a half every day and I napped every chance I got and most importantly, I felt perfectly fine with my decision to do so. I have gone my entire life afraid to get scolded, afraid to be at fault for messing up, afraid to let someone’s expectations down. This was the beginning of the end of that story in my head and it felt so very liberating. The story I’d created in my head was that if I did everything “right” I would be deserving of love.
I did yoga because my body was asking to physically move the trauma that I was mentally clearing. I napped constantly because my body was catching up on years of poor and insufficient sleep. It is so OK to break man-made rules. Not coming from an “I’m a bad-ass I do what I want” place, but from an “I listen to my body and I honor it” place.
Every day with this routine I peeled through layers of stories that had been ruling my actions. My body was being nourished with vegan and vegetarian meals, my mind was being stilled with nature and with minimal distractions in my environment, and my subconscious was being revealed with daily insight meditation. What was revealed, the download, the stream, was that I am Love. Every part of my being felt a deep sense of knowing fully that I am Love. It was a gradual revelation which took place between days 2-6. Every cell in my body was vibrating high in this magnetic frequency which I can only describe as true self-love.
During this part of the course I also realized that THIS is the time of my life. Right now. At 33 years old, I am at a peak. I possess an awareness, physical strength and beauty, self-knowledge and self-love that is unique to my life story. NOW is the time to live fully; to embrace my life with open arms. Another story was released. The story I’d created in my head was that sometime in the future I would be better, more prepared, have more time, be more rested, be a better person, anytime but right now. The truth is, there is only RIGHT NOW and all it takes is to embrace the NOW fully.
Words cannot come close to describing the depth of these two major insights. They arose from a place of high vibrating awareness, not from mere mental knowledge. I smiled quite easily during these days. I had gotten to know a profound inner peace. The stream was flowing unobstructed.
